kinda mad that i cant breathe underwater

448,969 notes



Somewhere between fuck you and I’d fuck you

somewhere between ‘go fuck yourself” and ‘no wait let me do it’

128,833 notes


we all have that friend who has to ask her mother to breathe

(Source: difficult)

123,350 notes


my bf knows how to sail and stuff so we were going to fuck on a boat so when we sailed out to somewhere isolated we started making out pretty intensely and i kissed his neck and earlobe and whispered “aye aye captain” and he said “i can’t hear you” so i said it again and then he fucking went “oooooooooooooh” and started singing the fucking spongebob theme song i wanted to kill him

(Source: itssexualhour)

200,899 notes


its not good sex unless u have to glue ur penis back on

116,142 notes